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[X] She’s more successful.
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[ ] Take it to the next level.
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How satisfying was this relationship for you?
[ ] Very satisfying.
[ ] A little satisfying.
[ ] Not at all satisfying.
[X] Very unsatisfying.
Which of your needs were met?
[ ] Sexual
[ ] Emotional
[ ] Intellectual
[ ] Financial
What would you change if you could do it again?
[ ] Nothing. It was me, not you.
[ ] Right people, wrong time.
[X] Everything. It was you, not me.
Why do you want to break my heart?
[ ] I love you but I’m not in love with you. One day I hope you can understand what you mean to me.
[ ] I’m sorry, you’re great. I just can’t be in a relationship right now.
[ ] You never understood me or treated me the way I deserved.
[X] You’re ugly, poor, stupid, and terrible in bed. And you know that thing I said that was okay? It’s not, and you’re sad and perverted for thinking it is okay.
by Sarah Pavis, McSweeney's | Read more:
[X] Yes
[ ] No
For your privacy and protection, please confirm your identity by answering the following security question:
What do you resent about your sister?
[ ] She’s more intelligent.
[ ] She’s more athletic.
[X] She’s more successful.
Thank you for confirming your identity. I’m sure you’ll be more successful than her one day.
How would you like to modify our relationship:
[ ] Take it to the next level.
[ ] Affirm where we’re at.
[X] Scale things back.
Uncheck all relationship aspects you wish to be unsubscribed from, or click here to unsubscribe from all relationship aspects. [X]
[X] Emotional Support
[X] Shared Expenses
[X] Mutual Friends
[X] A Warm Body To Share A Bed With
[X] Discussion Of Things Mutually Hated
[X] Someone To Go To Dinner With
[X] Begrudging Oral Sex
Unsubscribing from all relationship aspects will cause the relationship to become terminated. Click here to confirm you want to break up with me.
[X] Yes
[ ] No
I’m sorry to see you go! I see you’ve been a valuable member of our relationship for over five months. Before I can process your request, please fill out this short survey so that I can better serve future partners.
How satisfying was this relationship for you?
[ ] Very satisfying.
[ ] A little satisfying.
[ ] Not at all satisfying.
[X] Very unsatisfying.
Which of your needs were met?
[ ] Sexual
[ ] Emotional
[ ] Intellectual
[ ] Financial
What would you change if you could do it again?
[ ] Nothing. It was me, not you.
[ ] Right people, wrong time.
[X] Everything. It was you, not me.
Why do you want to break my heart?
[ ] I love you but I’m not in love with you. One day I hope you can understand what you mean to me.
[ ] I’m sorry, you’re great. I just can’t be in a relationship right now.
[ ] You never understood me or treated me the way I deserved.
[X] You’re ugly, poor, stupid, and terrible in bed. And you know that thing I said that was okay? It’s not, and you’re sad and perverted for thinking it is okay.
by Sarah Pavis, McSweeney's | Read more:
