I don’t have children, but when my friends tell their birth stories I now nod along in tacit understanding—I know the horror of “There’s no way that will fit through there,” of “Oh god, what if this has to be surgically removed?,” of writhing around for a better angle. I chugged the water my husband, god bless him, handed me through the cracked door. I felt cold and also hot. When it was finally over, I broke out in full body shakes—I was pale, giddy, in shock. I looked back in proud relief. My marriage grew stronger for what we’d achieved together. When I meet others who’ve endured it, we find immediate brotherhood.
This experience, though humbling, wasn’t totally out of the ordinary for me. I’m a slow-motility girlie—I pack prunes and Smooth Move tea on trips; for years, I bought a fiber cereal hilariously called Kashi GO; I once had an Uber Eats guy deliver me a Fleet enema. My best friend likes to remind me of a night we spent at the emergency room trying to diagnose mysterious stomach cramps I thought were appendicitis but turned out to be garden- variety constipation. I’ve had to get comfortable discussing the scatological with clinicians, pharmacists, roommates I’ve shared bathrooms with. But barring the occasional nod from my fellow comrades in what one doctor called “sluggish digestion,” I’ve mostly suffered these slings and arrows solo—that is, until recently.
One day, it seems, the internet woke up and chose BMs, and suddenly the hottest girl you know is posting about scat. Now you have to go out of your way to not eat fiber—prebiotic supplements are in our soda, our candy bars, our cold foam. The beverage case is dominated by the likes of Olipop and Poppi and Culture Pop, all offering varying degrees of digestive assistance. The other day, I saw a smoothie blend in the freezer aisle called “Fiber Supremacy,” and earlier this year, Frito-Lay launched a fiber-packed version of both SunChips and Smartfood popcorn. Kraft is making a purgative macaroni and cheese that boasts six grams of fiber per serving (or 15 grams if you eat the whole box—which is, let’s be honest, how most people consume Easy Mac). Outside the retail space, home cooks are finding ways to fit chia and flax into not just their breakfasts but their meat loaf. They’re pureeing beans into sauces and veggies into puddings and cakes. Literal doctors are posting their #fibermaxxing menus to TikTok. And while this may sound like just another wave on the ocean of content we surf daily, it gets…weirder.
I’ve covered the ingestion of sustenance extensively in my 20 years of food writing; the passing of it, less so. We are biologically inclined to separate food talk from waste talk—unless you’re a new parent, the human body recoils from the plate at the mere mention of excreta. As such, there’s a glaring lacuna in our field when it comes to the business end of our alimentary canal. But as #fibermaxxing has given way to #poopmaxxing, culinary talk is shifting from what goes in to how easily it comes out. I recently watched a girl on TikTok showing off her “PoopMaxxer purse” in which she carries Dude Wipes, after-poo spray, toilet seat covers, extra TP, instant oatmeal packets, and fiber gummies because, she says, “in addition to a poopy butt I also have a sweet tooth.” She signs off the video with “Goodbye poopies,” because, I guess, why not.
What is going on here? Some have theorized this is just the latest way to get skinny—Ozempic is expensive, but Poppi is cheap. It’s hardly a coincidence that this trend comes on the heels of GLP-1 mania and #proteinmaxxing, two dietary fads known to cause constipation. “They’re all getting colonics!” a friend recently exclaimed to me in a breathless tone of conspiracy-crazed revelation, of the ultrathin celebrities in our newsfeeds.
Others attribute the fixation to the sudden rise in colorectal cancer rates among young people—and given how hard it can be to access and afford health care in the United States, who could blame us for taking our well-being into our own hands? This may also be why we’re more obsessed with lifestyle optimization than ever before—I know some couples who rarely eat together, because of how personalized each of their diets have become. We have more access to dietary research and more ways to track health data than at any time in human history, prompting many to turn their bodies into full-blown science experiments.
Whatever the reason, it’s now de rigueur to be regular. What was once my personal bête noire is the obsession of wellness queens everywhere, who are FODMAPing, fibermaxxing, and colon cleansing their way toward slenderness, Bethlehem, nirvana. But what becomes of life’s simple pleasures (sharing a meal, eating someone else’s cooking) when we value function over all else? Sure, we have a whole supermarket’s worth of ways to grease the gears now—but is our fiber fixation maybe missing the point?
I grew up in the early aughts, an era governed by the food rules of women’s magazines. They told us to suck in our stomachs, buy skim milk, avoid egg yolks, skip meals—or else eat lots of small ones to boost metabolism—and mangle a sandwich roll by digging out the middle. In my efforts to move on from this hellscape, I learned to seek out whole foods, swapping out this noxious morality for what seemed like a more righteous one. I thought Michael Pollan had single-handedly saved me from a lifetime of disordered eating when he published In Defense of Food, dispensing his now legendary dietary advice: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.
And for a while, this worked. I went to the farmers’ market, bought local dairy, had my first good tomato. I made kombucha and sourdough bread and buckwheat brownies. Heck, I became a food writer. By embracing Pollan’s edict, I saw how food could be a paradise of unlimited possibility instead of a restrictive environment of guilt. I learned to approach food with curiosity instead of fear. I still sucked in my stomach out of vanity and believed in the virtue of frequent light snacking, but I was eating pretty much whatever I wanted (with the exception of my fiber cereal), and feeling healthier for it.
The body changes, though—it always does—and one day I woke up in my late 30s on various meds for migraine and anxiety and allergies that all listed constipation as a symptom, bloat bulging out the zipper of my high-waisted jeans. My BMs were fickler than ever and, for the first time in over a decade, I was feeling the urge to diet. Instead, I went to my GP, who recommended fruits, veggies, and grains—foods I was already consuming en masse, thanks to Mikey P. So I took psyllium. I got acupuncture. I went to a GI doctor who prescribed a weapons-grade laxative. I Googled “CBT for IBS” and tried meditation, in case this was all simply a matter of unclenching. I started taking 800 milligrams of magnesium per day and carrying Senna pills in my purse. The bloat only seemed to be getting worse. One friend suggested I just buy bigger jeans.
All of this is to say, the robots weren’t my first choice.
by Linni Kral, Taste | Read more:
Image: Max Erwin
