By Alex Balk
Remember how, back at the outset of last summer, you promised yourself that this time you weren't going to let the season go to waste? How you had such ambitious hopes and schemes? And how, seemingly seconds later, Labor Day rolled around and you were all, "Wait! What? I... d'oh!"
Well, that's alright. Summers are meant to be wasted. They are the disposable months of the year during which expectations are low and performance follows accordingly. You're sweaty, you're listless, you're not trying very hard... and it's okay. It's summer! Relax! And you know what? If you're going to waste your summer, you might as well spend your summer wasted. May I suggest a cocktail?
While some opt for the Dark and Stormy, and others plump for the Negroni (with unfortunate consequences), we take a different libation where I'm from. The Official Balk Family Drink of the Summer is, at heart, a gin and tonic, but with one important addition: a splash of Campari.
Too simple, you say? Ah, my friend, you obviously have not had The Official Balk Family Drink of the Summer. While there's nothing wrong with your basic gin and tonic, the splash of Campari... oh, the difference it makes. It is also an excellent test of manliness (if you are a man), since you have to be comfortable enough with yourself to be holding a pink drink throughout the afternoon and into the evening. I probably do not need to do this, but just in case your brain is as fried as mine is right now, here's how you make a gin and tonic with a splash of Campari:
Remember how, back at the outset of last summer, you promised yourself that this time you weren't going to let the season go to waste? How you had such ambitious hopes and schemes? And how, seemingly seconds later, Labor Day rolled around and you were all, "Wait! What? I... d'oh!"

While some opt for the Dark and Stormy, and others plump for the Negroni (with unfortunate consequences), we take a different libation where I'm from. The Official Balk Family Drink of the Summer is, at heart, a gin and tonic, but with one important addition: a splash of Campari.
Too simple, you say? Ah, my friend, you obviously have not had The Official Balk Family Drink of the Summer. While there's nothing wrong with your basic gin and tonic, the splash of Campari... oh, the difference it makes. It is also an excellent test of manliness (if you are a man), since you have to be comfortable enough with yourself to be holding a pink drink throughout the afternoon and into the evening. I probably do not need to do this, but just in case your brain is as fried as mine is right now, here's how you make a gin and tonic with a splash of Campari: