by Caroline Casper
This is what I expected: Jay and I were meeting to talk about the one thing that is harder to talk about than sex—not wanting to have sex. Ever. We were also meeting to discuss a new feature length documentary he starred in called (A)Sexual. The film, produced by Angela Tucker, debuted at the Frameline Film Festival at the Roxie Theater in San Francisco in June and at NewFest, the New York LGBT Film Festival in July. It follows the growth of the asexual community—people that experience no sexual attraction—and their efforts to claim a voice and identity in a sex- obsessed culture.
But this is what I didn’t expect: Within the next two hours David Jay, a guy who identifies himself as a lifelong asexual, would give me more insight on dating, sexual intimacy and forming deeper romantic relationships than any sexual person I’ve ever met. Jay carries a brilliant perspective on the subject of sex, one that can only be achieved through exclusion. As it goes, only from the sidelines of the game can you see the entire field.Jay came out as an asexual to his parents and friends during high school in 2000. Later in 2001 while at Wesleyan College in Connecticut, he started a website called asexualuity.org (or AVEN, The Asexual Visibility and Education Network) because he realized swarms of people were using the word “asexual” to describe themselves and then later, feeling broken and desperate for more information, typing it into Google. (Studies show that 1% of the population is asexual). Asexaulity.org is marked as the first organized community to provide information and a safe place to discuss issues surrounding what it means to be asexual.
In 2004, the New Scientist in the UK became fascinated with the growing asexuality community here in the states and ran a 6-page feature on it. The story exploded and was featured all over the British press, marking the beginning of Jay’s very public persona as an asexual person. He was featured in the London Times (four different times from 2003- 2006), was on British TV and five different BBC radio stations. The news spike triggered press in the U.S. too and Jay was later featured in the New York Times and was a guest on 20/20 and The View where he held strong as the hosts teased him and tried to reduce him to just a confused kid. But they were soon rapt with his knowledge, emotional intelligence and candid honesty.
When an article featuring Jay came out on Salon.com in May of 2005, Angela Tucker read it and the idea for this film was born.
The Rumpus: What did you think of the film?
David Jay: As the subject of the movie, I’m much happier with it than I thought I would be because it is very personal. I’m used to talking about my sexuality in a very public way, but this film got into some really deep and personal stuff about my relationships–on a level that no other press has ever has managed to reach. It captured some really complicated insecurities and uncertainties I was going through at the time. The way our society talks about intimacy is really sexualized but this film showed a great deal of intimacy in my life that isn’t at all sexual. It was also a great visibility tool. Our community’s whole goal is get people talking about everything–power, peoples’ bodies, and all the stuff that is wrapped up in sex. But if sex is not happening, how are you going to relate to these things?
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