I know the headline may have ruffled your peacock feathers, but please, hear me out. Many men do not know how to have a conversation, and it would behoove our communities, our country, and dare I say the entire human race if this disconnect could be bridged. I’m not referring to suaveness in the pickup department or clever introductory lines. I mean an old-fashioned, no-frills exchange that uses words to indicate something on the order of I’m interested in your multidimensionality as a fellow human being and would like to achieve greater insight into your infinite subjectivity. Don’t be intimidated: It’s easier than you may think, albeit (apparently) non-intuitive. Let’s get started.
Because this isn’t about hitting on folks you don’t know, this advice presumes you already have a relationship with the person in question—or at the very least, her phone number.
Initiate. A texted hi is a lame way to start. No one on the planet except maybe your mother is excited to get a hi from you. Hi makes it obvious you’re only willing to do the bare minimum to call attention to your existence, and that the other person will have to do all the conversational heavy lifting. The only good response to hi is another hi, and then it’s only four seconds in and you’re both already bored as hell, ready to scroll through Instagram or watch the “Bitch Better Have My Money” video for the 60th time.
What really makes a conversation is enthusiasm. Be excited to talk to this person, whether that excitement stems from the sheer awesomeness of her existence or from finally having the right audience (her) for sharing something hilarious you saw last night. Don’t try to force it—just be honest. Not to get heavy, but why do you like having this person in your life? They get your jokes, they share the best remixes, they love you and make you feel good about yourself? If something made you think of her, say so. If you miss hanging out with her, say that. Keep in mind that it won’t kill you to use exclamation points every now and then.
Maybe you’re trying to play it cool in front of someone you have a crush on, and your approach is to be the Disaffected Brooding Sensitive Guy. But trust me, this rule of thumb still applies. You can get worked up about something in front of her without giving away your crush. Enthusiasm is contagious, and a very close cousin to charisma. (And charisma is just style plus friendly confidence mixed with super-advanced conversation skills.)
by Charlotte Shane, Adequate Man | Read more:
Image: Tara Jacoby
Because this isn’t about hitting on folks you don’t know, this advice presumes you already have a relationship with the person in question—or at the very least, her phone number.Initiate. A texted hi is a lame way to start. No one on the planet except maybe your mother is excited to get a hi from you. Hi makes it obvious you’re only willing to do the bare minimum to call attention to your existence, and that the other person will have to do all the conversational heavy lifting. The only good response to hi is another hi, and then it’s only four seconds in and you’re both already bored as hell, ready to scroll through Instagram or watch the “Bitch Better Have My Money” video for the 60th time.
What really makes a conversation is enthusiasm. Be excited to talk to this person, whether that excitement stems from the sheer awesomeness of her existence or from finally having the right audience (her) for sharing something hilarious you saw last night. Don’t try to force it—just be honest. Not to get heavy, but why do you like having this person in your life? They get your jokes, they share the best remixes, they love you and make you feel good about yourself? If something made you think of her, say so. If you miss hanging out with her, say that. Keep in mind that it won’t kill you to use exclamation points every now and then.
Maybe you’re trying to play it cool in front of someone you have a crush on, and your approach is to be the Disaffected Brooding Sensitive Guy. But trust me, this rule of thumb still applies. You can get worked up about something in front of her without giving away your crush. Enthusiasm is contagious, and a very close cousin to charisma. (And charisma is just style plus friendly confidence mixed with super-advanced conversation skills.)
by Charlotte Shane, Adequate Man | Read more:
Image: Tara Jacoby
