Sunday, July 17, 2016

8 Types of Foreigners in Beijing

[ed. See also: $7,000-a-Month ‘Shameless China’ Blogger Loses All With One Post]

We all think we are unique, but more or less we fall into stereotypes. What kind of foreigners are you, Beijing folks?

No.1 The Gulou Hipsters

They live in hutongs or those six-floor buildings. They like Baijiu, Peking duck and bragging that they know where to get the best dumplings. Their obsession with Beijing fixates on the antique and crappy parts of the city which fuels their oriental fantasy. Most conversations with Gulou hipsters revolve around them recounting funny exchanges they had with taxi drivers in Chinese, providing a convenient excuse for them to show off.

No.2 The Wudaokou Students

The loyal customers of La Bamba, Propaganda, and that one Xinjiang restaurant at Minzu University which has just THE BEST 大盘鸡. Easily spotted by their baseball jackets, sneakers, backpacks and the innocent, vapid, pimply smile. Learning the language? Only if it helps them fuck Chinese chicks. (Oops, except for the gays, and the Koreans)

No.3 The English Teachers

When foreigners say they are English teachers, actually they are telling only one thing about themselves: a don’t-know-what-to-do-with-his-life loser. No offense, it’s okay to take it temporarily or as a part-time, but in the long run, dude you need to pull yourself together. Easily recognized (and avoided) by the shit-eating grin they wear into Kokomo after 1am.

No.4 The iBankers

Expensive suits, first class planes, five star hotels, the iBankers are exactly the opposite of the Gulou hipsters. Most often encountered at D Lounge (D for douchebag) or prowling for Glamor Asians at Xiu, and make people who are not as rich as them fall in love with hip-hop and rap. They don’t even enjoy Beijing, since as long as they are making a shit load of money, they don’t give a fuck.

by Laura Lian, Shameless | Read more:
Images: uncredited