1. I’m incredibly beautiful but it’s an accident, I swear!
2. I love Jane Austen if this is a comedy, or the Brontë sisters if this is a drama.
3. I eat a lot, lol.
4. I love listening to music almost as much as I love listening to you talk about music.
5. I’m smart but not as smart as you.
6. I’m extremely knowledgeable about exactly one subject.
7. I have a great sense of humor, by which I mean, ha-ha — you’re so funny.
8. I’m not funny, but I am hilariously adorable when I get stressed out.
9. I have only one friend. Now she is funny.
10. I seem mysterious, but that’s just because I have almost no personality whatsoever.
11. My ex-boyfriend is a jerk, or maybe just boring.
12. I’m so nice.
13. When I’m sad, I drink wine alone.
14. I live well beyond my means in a beautiful apartment, but it’s somehow not an issue.
15. I lose my ability to walk in high heels when I get angry.
2. I love Jane Austen if this is a comedy, or the Brontë sisters if this is a drama.
3. I eat a lot, lol.
4. I love listening to music almost as much as I love listening to you talk about music.
5. I’m smart but not as smart as you.
6. I’m extremely knowledgeable about exactly one subject.
7. I have a great sense of humor, by which I mean, ha-ha — you’re so funny.
8. I’m not funny, but I am hilariously adorable when I get stressed out.
9. I have only one friend. Now she is funny.
10. I seem mysterious, but that’s just because I have almost no personality whatsoever.
11. My ex-boyfriend is a jerk, or maybe just boring.
12. I’m so nice.
13. When I’m sad, I drink wine alone.
14. I live well beyond my means in a beautiful apartment, but it’s somehow not an issue.
15. I lose my ability to walk in high heels when I get angry.
by Mary Cella, McSweeny's | Read more:
