The Plumber
Husband: So, what seems to be the problem, Miss?
Wife: My drain is clogged. Clogged bad.
Husband: Oh, yeah? Well, let me see if I can un-clog it.
Wife: You really think this is a job you can handle?
Husband: There's no job I can't handle.
Wife: (scoffs)
Husband: What?
Wife: I'm just thinking about the porch you've been promising to stain for literally a year now.
Husband: Jesus, what the hell does the porch have to do with this?
Wife: It has everything to do with it!
Husband: You know what, unclog your own goddamned drain!
Wife: Stain the porch!
Doctor & Patient
Wife: Hi, doctor, thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
Husband: My pleasure.
Wife: Did I put this gown on right?
Husband: Looks good to me. Real good. So, where's your pain?
Wife: In my leg.
Husband: Here?
Wife: Higher.
Husband: Here?
Wife: Higher.
Husband: Here?
Wife: Do you feel anything?
Husband: Just that you didn't shave your legs. A little effort would have been nice, Karen.
Wife: Oh, fuck you.
Wife: My drain is clogged. Clogged bad.
Husband: Oh, yeah? Well, let me see if I can un-clog it.
Wife: You really think this is a job you can handle?
Husband: There's no job I can't handle.
Wife: (scoffs)
Husband: What?
Wife: I'm just thinking about the porch you've been promising to stain for literally a year now.
Husband: Jesus, what the hell does the porch have to do with this?
Wife: It has everything to do with it!
Husband: You know what, unclog your own goddamned drain!
Wife: Stain the porch!
Doctor & Patient
Wife: Hi, doctor, thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
Husband: My pleasure.
Wife: Did I put this gown on right?
Husband: Looks good to me. Real good. So, where's your pain?
Wife: In my leg.
Husband: Here?
Wife: Higher.
Husband: Here?
Wife: Higher.
Husband: Here?
Wife: Do you feel anything?
Husband: Just that you didn't shave your legs. A little effort would have been nice, Karen.
Wife: Oh, fuck you.
Husband: Fuck you! (...)
The Pool Boy
Wife: Manuel, you must be so hot out here.
Husband: Sí.
Wife: Want to come in for a glass of lemonade?
Husband: Sí.
Wife: I made too much, and I'm alone in here. All alone.
Husband: Sí.
Wife: It's only 3:15, so my kids won't be home until ... dammit! We have to pick up the kids at 3:30.
Husband: Los niños?
Wife: Stop it, Phil! We really have to pick them up.
Husband: I thought you said we had time!
Wife: Sorry if I'm the only one who pays attention to the kids' schedules.
Husband: I bought a mustache for this!
by Colin Nissan, New Yorker | Read more:
Image: Louis Debenham/Getty
