Thanks to his decision, it appears that President Biden could be anointed one of the most respected leaders we’ve ever had, called “true patriot” and “American hero” by even those who were relentlessly enumerating his deficits and symptoms as if they were actual doctors and not just people who had played them on TV for a few seasons 30 years ago. I for one think the man has earned it, and though the final days of his long record of public service have come sooner than planned, now no outcome in November can dim his legacy, and in fact, quite the opposite: if the Fates – who, you may remember from Greek mythology, were female – have their way, his leadership will be forever linked with the United States electing its first-ever woman as President.
I get why we’ve made the story about selflessness and heroism: it’s good to equate those things, especially in a country (and internet) filled with stage hogs and attention seekers. We were given a rare opportunity to contemplate a public figure who seemed (at least in this moment) more concerned with the big picture than his own mirror reflection; sometimes I wonder if there even are people left who consider declining the full spotlight or ceding the center square. But I think the other reason we’ve made this the narrative is that it allows us not to have to talk about things we’ve not very good at talking about (or doing): age, and acceptance, and admitting that it’s time to pack it in.
Very few us will make choices in the realm of monumental, history-making sacrifice. Our decisions are of the grade that might affect our households or workplaces but are unlikely to garner the thanks of a grateful nation (though I suppose there’s no reason not to try). But we are called on – by others or just ourselves – to pursue and juggle scores of complicated things (Romance! Parenthood! Home ownership! Second home ownership! Getting ahead at work! Having a fit body! Bouncing back from (fill in the blank)! A nice vacation! Being a good child to elderly parents! Being a good friend! Keeping up with the news, the Joneses and the Kardashians!) in a place that prides itself on being filled builders and strivers, never-quitters and big swingers. Here, taking things off the plate or not going the distance feels kind of unspeakable, which makes bowing out nothing short of revolutionary. For those of us who don’t lead countries or nurture true successors, whose daily challenges are of a more personal than global nature, “passing the torch” is letting go. And even then, for most of us, it’s an anathema. It’s why we appeal, and borrow, and delude ourselves. It’s why we feel inadequate, judged, “less than.”
Think about it: we revere not just millionaires but billionaires in a way that almost no nation on earth does – especially if they are self-made – because they are almost by definition people who win and win and win. We nudge people to pursue “main character energy” as a solution to their problems, and deride supposed “former superstars” Jennifer Lopez and Justin Timberlake for shaky “relevance.” It’s not enough to get to the top; you must stay there – otherwise, what was it all for?
Does this not explain how a certain person in the news is embraced as a folk hero instead of a con man? The fact that he is undeterred by his losses, flame-outs and disasters is clearly seen by his superfans as proof of his doggedness; the fact that he would do anything to best his opponents in business or politics, literally anything to get to power and stay here is clearly read as tenacity, grit. America is a place where the story can be whatever you say it is, where you need not even surrender to the truth.
And what is “the truth”? Amongst many: you might have time, but you don’t have forever. You can’t have “it all.” Something’s gotta give. You’ll probably end up with more decisions than options – with two not perfect — or not even great — things to choose from instead of an endless array of glittering, finely calibrated ones. A lot of times, you are presented with only two doors to walk through when you really want three – and sometimes, it’s just one. Sometimes you should keep going, wait it out, refuse to give up, and sometimes you see that the answer is clearly “no.” Sometimes you get to the end of the road before you’re ready. Sometimes you get to smile because you had it, and sometimes you just smile because you tried.
There’s nothing wrong with being achievement-oriented, or pursuing your dreams. In fact, people with absolutely no ambition are no picnic either. But have you ever noticed how the obsession with “goals” (life goals, couple goals, apartment goals, relationship goals, goals goals) can make people crazy – especially in our culture of relentless exposure to what everyone else is doing and having (and feeling)? Where we’re all constantly showing and telling? “Failure is not an option” sounds good on Day 1, so if on Day 10,000 and it’s still not going your way, know that you are allowed to redefine your vision of “success.” Dreams are great, but not if they make us unsympathetic or blind to who were really are or what we are really capable of. Or just up for. Dreams are important, which is why you’ll make new ones.
by Bonnie Morrison, Is It Okay? | Read more:
Image: uncredited
