In 2014, I started Tinder Live! – a comedy show exploring the crazy world of Tinder. This means that in the last five years, I’ve spent many, many hours browsing the app (so much so in fact that I am relieved there’s no way to know how many hours I lost on there).
Like many people, I’ve had multiple profile versions, and deleted and undeleted my profile countless times. It’s come to the point where I frequently see the same men and think, “You’ve come up like five times now buddy, what’s going on, are you OK?”
Through all this swiping, I like to think I’ve learned a lot about men. To be fair, “men” in this case can mean men I’ve never met but see a lot on Tinder, men I did meet on Tinder and men I talked to on Tinder but never went out with. Here’s what I learned, using an admittedly broad brush because it’s what dating apps push you to do: sense a pattern and then become upset by how persistent the pattern is, leading you to believe (usually falsely) that everyone is the same.
They don’t want to be ‘just’ pen pals … but they also don’t want to meet
This blows my mind. So many men on Tinder will bemoan becoming pen pals, say they don’t want their time wasted and just want to meet already, but will also think that their saying “Hey” and asking you how your Sunday was, the end, should be enough conversation for you to invest $50 and two hours getting ready and traveling to a bar to see if they’re worth your night out.
I guess the idea here is to have no connection at all, and presume this guy is the total package, and to spend a few hours in person seeing if you’re wrong because, eh, what’s a waste of a night of your life? I don’t get this, I’ll never get this, and I hate it.
They might want casual sex, but aren’t willing to admit it
I’ve seen so many men try to find a cute, chill way to say in their bio that casual sex is fine I guess, but they’d prefer a connection lol no big deal or not haha whatever: here’s a quote from The Office. It’s such a bummer and so relatable. Because while men are busy trying to be coy about whether or not they want something more, so are women.
But what if, WHAT IF, we were both honest and both got what we truly wanted?
They seem super interested – then they ignore you
I don’t know if it’s in an effort to play it cool, but even men who “super like you” will not message you. They won’t message you first, leaping at the chance to because OMG you liked them back and they liked you so much! And they might not even message you back if you message them first.
Nope, they super liked you, just to let you know they’d … what? Super bang you? I have no idea, but it really bums me out.
They either really love online dating – or really hate it
I’m convinced the guys who match with you and never message you just love online dating because they like having a capsule full of women who would, in their minds, definitely sleep with them. Which is bizarre because when I swipe right, it’s because someone’s face – combined with my very vague idea of who they are – is enough to get me to the next level. I want to know how they speak, how they treat me, how their mind works, what jokes they tell, what they do, who they are, how they’d be to date. And then maybe, maybeI’ll meet them and see if I wanna meet them again.
I don’t think I’ve ever swiped right on someone and thought, “10/10 would fuck. I don’t even need to know if this guy has a brain, or if he hates gay people, or has a swastika tattoo. Nope, my vagina says yes!” But whatever you need to tell yourself, dudes.
And then there are the yellers. These are the guys whose profiles just say, “I’m on here to get off this app. Please don’t waste my time. If you can’t carry a conversation, swipe LEFT!!!”
I get it. Spend long periods of time on any dating app with the intention of finding even the most fleeting meaningful connection and you’re bound to get to a point where you’re tempted to make your profile, “OMG if you don’t want to meet someone on here swipe left, seriously, WTF I’m a good person!!!!!!!”
The yelling and aggression aside, it’s comforting for me to know that some men are as fed up as women are with the games and the flakiness and the waste of time that dating apps can be.
Like many people, I’ve had multiple profile versions, and deleted and undeleted my profile countless times. It’s come to the point where I frequently see the same men and think, “You’ve come up like five times now buddy, what’s going on, are you OK?”Through all this swiping, I like to think I’ve learned a lot about men. To be fair, “men” in this case can mean men I’ve never met but see a lot on Tinder, men I did meet on Tinder and men I talked to on Tinder but never went out with. Here’s what I learned, using an admittedly broad brush because it’s what dating apps push you to do: sense a pattern and then become upset by how persistent the pattern is, leading you to believe (usually falsely) that everyone is the same.
They don’t want to be ‘just’ pen pals … but they also don’t want to meet
This blows my mind. So many men on Tinder will bemoan becoming pen pals, say they don’t want their time wasted and just want to meet already, but will also think that their saying “Hey” and asking you how your Sunday was, the end, should be enough conversation for you to invest $50 and two hours getting ready and traveling to a bar to see if they’re worth your night out.
I guess the idea here is to have no connection at all, and presume this guy is the total package, and to spend a few hours in person seeing if you’re wrong because, eh, what’s a waste of a night of your life? I don’t get this, I’ll never get this, and I hate it.
They might want casual sex, but aren’t willing to admit it
I’ve seen so many men try to find a cute, chill way to say in their bio that casual sex is fine I guess, but they’d prefer a connection lol no big deal or not haha whatever: here’s a quote from The Office. It’s such a bummer and so relatable. Because while men are busy trying to be coy about whether or not they want something more, so are women.
But what if, WHAT IF, we were both honest and both got what we truly wanted?
They seem super interested – then they ignore you
I don’t know if it’s in an effort to play it cool, but even men who “super like you” will not message you. They won’t message you first, leaping at the chance to because OMG you liked them back and they liked you so much! And they might not even message you back if you message them first.
Nope, they super liked you, just to let you know they’d … what? Super bang you? I have no idea, but it really bums me out.
They either really love online dating – or really hate it
I’m convinced the guys who match with you and never message you just love online dating because they like having a capsule full of women who would, in their minds, definitely sleep with them. Which is bizarre because when I swipe right, it’s because someone’s face – combined with my very vague idea of who they are – is enough to get me to the next level. I want to know how they speak, how they treat me, how their mind works, what jokes they tell, what they do, who they are, how they’d be to date. And then maybe, maybeI’ll meet them and see if I wanna meet them again.
I don’t think I’ve ever swiped right on someone and thought, “10/10 would fuck. I don’t even need to know if this guy has a brain, or if he hates gay people, or has a swastika tattoo. Nope, my vagina says yes!” But whatever you need to tell yourself, dudes.
And then there are the yellers. These are the guys whose profiles just say, “I’m on here to get off this app. Please don’t waste my time. If you can’t carry a conversation, swipe LEFT!!!”
I get it. Spend long periods of time on any dating app with the intention of finding even the most fleeting meaningful connection and you’re bound to get to a point where you’re tempted to make your profile, “OMG if you don’t want to meet someone on here swipe left, seriously, WTF I’m a good person!!!!!!!”
The yelling and aggression aside, it’s comforting for me to know that some men are as fed up as women are with the games and the flakiness and the waste of time that dating apps can be.
by Lane Morgan, The Guardian | Read more:
Image: Katia Temkin
