It’s Raining Sideways in Juneau, Yo

Rainy Sunday, wake up at the ass crack o’ dawn
Call up a dozen moms cuz I can’t be alone
Hello?
What up, moms?
Sistah wife! What’s crackin’?
You thinkin' what I’m thinkin?
TWIN LAKES
Yeah, it’s happenin'!

But first we gotta make our kids put on their gear
We rock the Hellys and the Xtra-Tuffs all DAY up in here!
They got the triple insulation with the steel toe built in
The slip-resistant outsole that flex like Paris Hilton
No doubt those boots got all da bomb rubbah
I needsta have those kicks like an orca needs blubbah!
One, no two, no three WARM LAYAHS
I ain’t tryin’ to hear my kids bitchin,’ playahs!

Yo, who’s got the snacks?
Oh shit, not me!
Better hit Freds or better yet the I.G.
I got some Annie’s bunnies and maybe some M&Ms
Rainbow Foods shook me down for like all of my Benjamins.

Egan Drive let’s go
Step on it, sucka.
What you wanna do, moms?
COFFEE MOTHER FUCKER.

It’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
I said it’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
I said it’s raining sideways in Juneau, yo
Yeah you heard me, this shit is BLEAK.

by Libby Bakalar, One Hot Mess | Read more:
Image: Geoff Kirsch, Story via:AK Dispatch