“Ah, a zookeeper. So, you just babysit the animals all day?”
- - -
“My colon never acts this way at home. Are you sure you’re reading the colonoscopy results correctly? Did you ever think that maybe you just don’t like my colon?”
- - -
“I’d love to just play with actuary statistics all day. That would be so fun! I bet you don’t even feel like you’re at work!”
- - -
“You’re a sanitation worker, huh? I hated my garbage collectors when I was growing up. One of them once yelled at me when I stood directly in front of their truck and kept it from completing its appointed rounds, and ever since then I’ve just loathed all of them, everywhere.”
- - -
“So you run a ski lodge? Do you just, like, chill during the summer? Must be nice.”
- - -
“Since my singer-songwriter thing isn’t taking off yet, I’ve been thinking about going into lawyer-ing. I mean, how hard can it be? I know criminals like me, or at least the two that I see once a year at Thanksgiving do.”
- - -
“I bet that’s the best part of being a banker — all the free money!”
- - -
“Do you even read your patients’ charts, or do you just assign them a random dosage based on how nice they’ve been to you?”
- - -
“Before you give me a ticket, Officer, I just wanted to mention: My taxes pay your salary.”
by Shannon Reed, McSweeny's | Read more:
