11/12/2024
Seeing Donald Trump elected a second time is like being on LSD: “Am I tripping, or has an alcoholic Fox News host just been nominated as Secretary of Defense?”
11/28
The hippies were right about many things—but the punks were right about everything.
12/3
In my lifetime, records were replaced by cassettes, cassettes were replaced by CDs, and CDs were replaced by nothing.
The problem with these clowns Trump is nominating for his cabinet is they’re not funny. And they can’t juggle.
12/7
Instead of losing weight, I’ve decided to grow taller.
12/17
The liturgical calendar used to include both feasts and fasts—days to indulge, and days to abstain. Nowadays we only celebrate the feasts. That’s why the world is going to shit.
12/19
These days, war has too many bombs and not enough sword fights.
12/22
Time is continuous, but we pretend it can be divided into discrete pieces called minutes. Calling one part of the day “11:17” is like standing in one part of a stream and naming it “Arthur.”
12/25
There is a layer of snow outside, so my wife teaches me the animal tracks in our yard: the tiny, curving trail of a mouse, the burrowing of a mole (the ground is frozen, so they tunnel through the snow), the leaping of a fox, the deliberate steps of our neighbor’s cat.
1/2/2025
Freud discovered the unconscious; I’ve discovered the funconscious—the part inside me that’s always having fun.
1/6
Yesterday a carpet of snow covered the ground, and today it has almost vanished. Just a few pieces of white—some the size of coins—remain. Where did the snow go? It couldn’t have melted; the temperature’s been below freezing the whole time.
According to the internet, the snow has “sublimed.” It went directly from solid to gas.
1/10
Trump ran as the “peace candidate,” but he’s already planning wars with Greenland, Panama (to take back the canal), and possibly Canada—and he’s not even president yet.
1/13
It should be illegal for one person to have three podcasts.
1/18
A bare tree outside my window wriggles upward like a van Gogh sketch.
1/21
In ancient Egypt, only the priests knew how to read. There were thousands of hieroglyphs, which took years to learn. But a few young rebels devised an alphabet so they could write graffiti on the pyramids.
The alphabet was literally invented by vandals.
1/22
MAGA has a new anthem: “God Molest America.”
1/25
“Hegseth” sounds like an ancient Babylonian demon.
1/27
Someone said to me at a party, “I paid my dues,” and suddenly I realized—I’ve never paid any dues. Maybe I forgot.
2/1
Trump is a genius at getting elected, an idiot once in office.
2/2
Over the last couple of days we’ve had multiple seven-minute blizzards, as if we’re living in a snow globe that a giant hand occasionally shakes.
2/4
You can’t spell “melancholia” without “Melania.” Also “megalomania.”
2/7
I googled myself and found a picture of me googling myself.
2/9
The creeps who work for Elon’s DOGE should be known as “Muskrats.”
2/12
I can’t play jazz, but I can play something that sounds like the French composer Erik Satie having a stroke.
2/13
Rain fell yesterday, then froze. Today the landscape looks like one large, molded piece of white plastic.
2/18
After my wife and I read Emma by Jane Austen, we decided to watch the movie Clueless, which is based on it. Recently I told a number of people this, and every person replied, “Clueless is a great movie.”
First of all, they’re wrong. Clueless is a mediocre movie with a lot of young, sexy, energetic actors in it. But also, no one commented on Emma. No one had read it or had any desire to read it. If you see a movie, everyone wants to talk about it, but if you read a book, it’s like saying, “I just went to a great workshop on building donkey carts.” No one knows how to respond. Books exist to be refashioned into melodramas or farces on the screen.
This is why conservatives ban books but never movies—even movies based on banned books. People don’t care if they are forbidden to read something they were never going to read in the first place.
by Sparrow, The Sun | Read more:
Image: © Rabah Seffal
